The Magic of Silence

The quieter you become, the more you can hear.   – Ram Dass

In the world of psychotherapy – silence – as it occurs within the therapeutic space, as well as in general, is an incredibly important topic. (And amusingly enough, it is also spoken about – relentlessly). It is the oceanic and all embracing backdrop to every moment of our lives. It can be filled, rejected, easily ignored, but at the very moment you cease to disrupt it, it will still be there, holding you.

The proverbial “blank screen” of silence offers itself to us as a beautiful, pure and pristine mental mirror. Like the space of dreams, it shows us what we hide from ourselves. In it, we can be so abruptly introduced to our own thoughts and feelings that we might misunderstand them, or disavow them so intensely that we become convinced that they are actually not our own. We might think that they come to us from outside sources. Simple, classic – projection.

If we can be brave enough to move past this stage of fear and denial and projection – then we can allow ourselves the freedom to take another step down into the depths of our being, and feel held by that silence rather than smothered. And within that warmth – we can welcome healing.

Within that nurturance, though, I must admit that I begin to feel this little nudge of knowing – calling my attention to the fact that more than just reflection occurs within that sacred silence. There is also listening. And when you can truly hear – there is awareness of connection. But to what?  My best answer is – to everything.

I remember the first time someone described to me the concept of the collective unconscious. I was in high school at the time, and a family friend who was staying with us offered this analogy. “It’s like mushrooms” he said. “The largest living organism in the world is actually a fungus – and although when you look at it, it would seem to be a collection of many distinct individual mushrooms, under the soil they are all connected. It is actually all one ‘being’ – and the separation that appears to be obvious  – is actually an illusion.” He went on – “the collective unconscious is like that. We cannot easily see that we are all the same, because we are focusing on the appearance of separateness.”

What might happen if we dare to shift our focus?

This past year, I took it upon myself to accept the “Sit Spot Challenge,” as offered via FaceBook by my friend Lynn Trotta, of the SageFire Institute. The goal was to find a place to sit in nature, and to quietly – just be present. And so, for 30 magical days (with increasing lengths of sitting), I sat. And I recalled the advice of one of my college professors – “when you are struggling to meditate – just say to yourself – Speak. I’m listening.” And so I listened, and I breathed, and I watched. I smelled the air and felt the earth. I tasted the rain and the air. And I felt the imagined walls of my separateness slip away. Even if just for brief, fleeting moments – they slipped away. And I knew.

But then – another nudge.  More questions. How then, do I view another person as separate if I sense the unity of life? How do I see myself in another, and another in myself, and at the same keep myself from devolving into obscuring their uniqueness with my own projections? If the other is myself  (you know what I mean, right?) – is there any way to truly speak to another human, and to not have it be simply a conversation with my own thoughts, assumptions and judgments?  I think, yes. But, man – this is not going be easy. I think the trick is to balance conversation with communion. I guess that might look something like a lonely little mushroom saying “hey – that other mushroom all the way over there – we really are one in the same – but just because of where he is – he can see things I can’t see.” And then suddenly it becomes possible to recognize that “oneness,” and to at the same time value and experience the unique gifts and perspectives of others. The suffering and joys of our fellow humans and all other forms of life starts to look different. Compassion starts to look different. Generosity starts to look different. Envy, superiority, failure, success – all different. It becomes impossible to not be changed.

And so I offer all of these words to you as a way of inviting you to consider maybe sometimes exchanging idle conversation for true connection – as a way of inviting you to welcome silence as a frame for meaningful relationship, instead of as evidence of failure to find the right words to say. If you find yourself wishing you or the other person/people would just say something. Perhaps consider –” What is there to be said?”